Smile of the day

[ika]

[ika]

Peace of cake for me

[ika]

true story

 went out with the girls came home drunk left the phone on the table he went through my phone had a missed called from Vincent he goes crazy!!!!!! Who is Vincent he asked well I don't know it was a missed call

[ika]

giggles

[Kat]

Child birth

SPOILER: Click to show

[ika]

giggles

[Kat]

Bowling ad:

SPOILER: Click to show

[ika]

Drinking Worms

A mother was teaching her child
about the side-effects of alcohol.
She gets two short glasses,
filling one with water
and
the other with whiskey.
She says "I want you to see this.
" She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says,
feeling that she has made her point clear,
"what do you have to say about this experiment?"


The child responds by saying:



"If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

[ika]

Press Play: "Ya hear that ? "

[ika]

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What’s your name?” he asked the new guy.

“John,” the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only … Smith, Jones, Baker … That’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”

The new guy sighed, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

 “Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . “

[ika]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road

in her little red sports car and was pulled over

by a woman police officer who was also blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see her driver's license.
She dug throught her handbag and

was getting progressively more agitated.

 "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

 The policewoman replied,

"It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse,

 looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman.

 "Here it is," she said.

 The blonde officer looked at the mirror,

 then handed it back saying,

"OK, you can go.

 I didn't realize you were a cop."

[ika]

First thing

– every single morning –

one of the secretaries in our office

opened the newspaper

and

 read everyone’s horoscope aloud.

“Gwen,” said our boss finally,

 “you seem to be a normal,

levelheaded person.

Do you really believe in astrology?”

“Of course not,” Gwen answered.

“You know how skeptical we Capricorns are.”

[ika]

Two college classmates met for the first time in years.

"How goes it with you, Pete?" asked one. 
"Not good at all," mourned Pete.
"My wife ran away with the mail man,
my son is a juvenile delinquent,
my bank failed,
and all my teeth will have to come out."



"Gosh, I'm sorry to hear that,
" sympathized the classmate.
"What business are you in now?"

"Some old line," answered Pete.







"Selling good-luck charms."

[ika]

The local bar
was so sure that its bartender
was the strongest man around
that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon
until all the juice ran into a glass,
and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze
one more drop of juice out
would win the money.



Many people had tried over time
(weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.)
but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar,
wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit,
and said in a tiny squeaky voice
“I’d like to try the bet.”



After the laughter had died down,
the bartender said OK,
grabbed a lemon,
and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled
remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd’s laughter turned
to total silence
as the man clenched his fist
around the lemon
and
six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered,
the bartender paid the $1000,
and asked the little man
“what do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack,
a weight-lifter,
or what?”


The man replied















“I work for the IRS.”

[ika]

After three years of marriage,
Kim was still questioning
her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me,"
she asked for the thousandth time,
"how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested,
"if I told you,
you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry,
and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said,





"One,

two,

three,


four,



five,




six,





seven






- then there's you









- nine,








ten,






11,












12,

















13..."